Today we are going to ask a very courageous question: “What am I asking of this Other that I ought to be doing for myself?”
When a person dies we grieve for two reasons:
1. We no longer get to see and interact with that person. They are physically gone.
2. The person who died can no longer carry what we have had them carrying. We must carry it our self
One can achieve no higher or better relationship with the Other than one has achieved with oneself.
It is our lack of awareness and understanding of ourselves which play a major part in the struggles we experience in our relationship with others and God.
Jesus understood this as a child
Luke 2:41-52
Jesus was able to experience beautiful relationships with the Father and others because of his own awareness and understanding of himself.
Over 600 times in the scriptures God and Jesus use the phrase, “I Am”. The phrase “I Am” implies a deep knowledge of oneself.
“I am the Lord your God”
“I am the Way, the Truth and the Life”
John 15:1
Jesus said the Father knows me and I know the Father
How?
Jesus lived a life of examine.
Luke 5:16
Psalm 26:2
1 Corinthians 11:28
The quality of all our relationships is a direct function of our relationship to ourselves. Since much of our relationship to ourselves operates at an unconscious level, most of the drama and dynamics of our relationships to others and to God is expressive of our own personal psychology. The best thing we can do for our relationships with others, and with the God, then, is to render our relationship to ourselves more conscious.
Self-Awareness
This is not a narcissistic activity. In fact, it will prove to be the most loving thing we can do for the Other. The greatest gift to others is our own best selves. Thus, paradoxically, if we are to serve relationship well, we are obliged to affirm our individual journey.
Ephesians 4:17-24
“Consider the courage of those truly willing to look within and own what they find.”
Making the unconscious conscious, owning our own charged material is an extraordinarily difficult task, no matter how willing we may be. We make the unconscious conscious by examining our patterns, not only in the present but also in our whole history of relationships. We must watch for when and where we are most charged, that is, times when complexes most commonly surface. When our affective response is intense and our rationalizations plentiful, we can be sure that complexes are at work.
Being in an intimate relationship (spouse, parent) is a bit like asking someone to join hands with us, but only after walking across a field in which we have planted mines.
Blaming our partners or children for stepping on mines we have laid is where most couples and families are when they walk into therapy that first hour. The Eden Project by James Hollis
Self-awareness is a process
The process is not linear. It involves a circular, spiral pathway that leads back towards the center of us. It is a journey that demands sacrifice. The constant sacrificing of aspects of us that we may have overly identified with in the past but no longer represents the most authentic expression of our truest self. This can be painful and uncomfortable, but the rewards are vast.
To undertake the willingness to integrate all aspects of ourselves, the honesty to look at what we most deny, and the self-love to live a life most in line with who we really are at the core of our being, are all acts of great courage and bravery. This is the way toward transformation.
Sean, I appreciate the effort of putting the notes and recordings up here. It’s been hard being gone and missing Sundays. It’s so nice to still have access to all of this. — Kari
Comment by juniperjames — October 28, 2009 @ 6:36 pm